My intimate thoughts about dating, sex and a long lasting relationship

Posted: March 19, 2013 in Consulting

Couple_Silhouette

Going out on dates is an opportunity to find out more about a potential lover. In my case, it always starts with some type of physical attraction or with my fascination with a woman’s unadulterated passion for her profession before asking her out on a date. As I get older, I began to realize that most women once they are looking for a mate like any man would, always put their best foot forward. If not savvy as a man, when dating you will get no hints about some of the personality traits you don’t want to see in a woman and those that you seek, which makes her a potential partner, friend, and lover. Her acceptance of your advances to either take her out to dinner and a movie or spending time with her at some social event will more than likely clog your judgment. The possibility of having sex with her for the very first time will complicate things further and can easily be interpreted as compatibility. Lots of men may rush to judgment by telling their friends that their first date was a total success and how he and this new woman hit it off almost immediately. A man is usually overzealous by the prospect that a woman who gave him her undivided attention and showing some subtle signs that she is interested in going out with him on a second date, may in just a matter of short time sleep with him.
During my parents’ generation, most people use to date and then marry within the circle of people they grew up with. Others, during that same time period, were world travelers but took a long and enough time to get to know the other person from a faraway land, as a suitable mate. We are now living in the microwave era where everything has to happen instantly. I am aware of the current reality and have been paying close attention to the signs of the time. Therefore, how do I meet the woman I really want in a short period of time? Such an endeavor undoubtedly requires a multi-faceted approach. First of all, meeting an even-tempered woman who doesn’t have an antagonistic attitude toward the overall American system and who has some disposable income are some key factors of my search. If the past serves me as a guide, I am going to need the right kind of exposure to meet a woman of that caliber. My presence in the social media sites is well crafted and deserves a second look. My target audience has had ample opportunity to experience the Charles brand first hand and to put a face to the name so to speak; LOL. There is no doubt that a more active social life with a focus on appropriate social events will serve as a vehicle to further my search for that special woman. Hopping on a plane to go to an exotic location has always been one of my top priorities and part of my repertoire. Making a conscious effort to attend social functions and business events with women of means in attendance is an integral part of my routine. We are now living in the world of online dating and speed dating. Consequently, I need to find a fast and efficient way to get to know a potential partner. That clearly defined goal may require the postponement of sex by rerouting my energy toward finding answers to some very important questions. My topics of discussion should range from setting boundaries if any for grown children, her upbringing, past relationships, relationships with her dad, mother, and siblings to personal budget, paying for essentials, debt, investments, and ways of raising children if she has any, and her views on family structure, community psychology, and discipline for instance. As I write this paragraph, it becomes imperative to state the fact, as a man I am not intimidated by successful women. However, it should be noted that most women of that caliber always look up, marry up, and hardly take the time to look down for the sole purpose of finding a good man with potential before pulling him up to her level of success – i.e., financial, professional, and personal. It is common knowledge that a middle aged man with means is more likely to share his good fortune with a much younger woman than a rich cougar would with her boy toy. Lastly, I am afraid that I haven’t been disciplined enough and calculated enough in the past to steer away from either verbally aggressive women or miserable women. This is, however, an opportunity for me to acknowledge that everybody who’s in a serious relationship with another human being will have some type of disagreement at one point and when angry we are all capable of saying mean things to a loved one. Thus, bringing up the principle of fighting fair to the forefront of any conversation with a woman I am pursuing should not under any circumstance be avoided. We all get angry and disatisfied at one point or another in the course of a relationship but the understanding that anger itself is not a destructive emotion will sustain any relationship through thick and thin. No two people are going to view the world the same way in each instance and in every situation. In any relationship, the two partners will have differences of opinion, not accepting that fact will pull any two loving people apart but accepting that reality can be the starting point to becoming a loving couple capable of resolving any problems in a respectful manner and without anger.

Comments
  1. Aish Rai says:

    I really like your take on American dating from the perspective of a man. Would you elaborate some on the principle of fighting fair?

  2. centexcargo says:

    According to many experts in the field of Psychology, there are 10 steps to the principle of fighting fair: 1) Understand that anger itself is not destructive; 2) Talk about your feelings before you get angry; 3) Don’t raise your voice; 4) Don’t threaten your relationship; 5) Don’t stockpile or keep score; 6) Don’t avoid your anger; 7) Create a process for resolving problems without anger; 8) Abuse is never allowed; 9) Don’t engage your partner (some people like to argue because it gives them a temporary feeling of power and gratification). So, avoid being sucked into an argument); 10) Listen to your body for signs that you are getting annoyed and about to get angry.
    I hope this is an appropriate reply to your comment my dear friend.

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