Posted in Consulting

3 fundamental techniques to winning people over 

Nobody wants to be around a chronic complainer or a negative person. ‘Don’t complain because nobody is listening.’ If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. If you don’t like the way you’re being treated, by all means, demand to be treated differently. If that approach doesn’t yield the desired outcome, then it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

Common sense tells us that destructive criticism has never helped anyone. First and foremeost, what kind of criticism is destructive and why do so many people use it? Destructive criticism points out faults and directly attacks the other person or people with no consideration for their feelings. It aims to show that the other person has no worth or his/her position on a particular issue has no validity. To make matters worse, the perpetrator offers no plausible solutions and no practical advice. Most people who dispense their opinions even when not asked in the form of destructive criticism are just simply inconsiderate to those they condemn, insecure about their own thing, and desperately trying to boost their own egos. Therefore, take heed of my three instructions and follow them religiously if you really want to win people over:

1st) Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

2nd) Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3rd) Arouse in the other person, according to renowned author Dale Carnegie, ‘an eager want.’

Dale Carnegie understood as far back as in the 1930’s, it’s usually fun and enjoyable for people to do things when they want to do them. And, for the most part, people don’t want to do what is asked of them. For the purpose of this exercise or blog post, why not start with a thorough understanding of the other person’s hope, desire, and what motivates him or her. Acquiring that critical piece of information about another human being is paramount to influencing that person. And lastly, it has been proven, the only way to win over your employees, customers, and a peer is to talk about what they really want and show them how to get and satisfy that ‘eager want.’

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