Posted in Consulting

3 fundamental techniques to winning people over 

Nobody wants to be around a chronic complainer or a negative person. ‘Don’t complain because nobody is listening.’ If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. If you don’t like the way you’re being treated, by all means, demand to be treated differently. If that approach doesn’t yield the desired outcome, then it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

Common sense tells us that destructive criticism has never helped anyone. First and foremeost, what kind of criticism is considered ‘destructive,’ and why do so many people use it? Destructive criticism is the type of criticism that points out faults in others or directly attacks the other person in a conversation, verbal exchange, with no consideration for his/her feelings. It aims to show that the other person has no worth at that particular time and their position on a given issue has no validity. To make matters worse, the perpetrator offers no plausible solutions to remedy the situation and no practical advice. Most people who dispense their opinions even when not asked in the form of destructive criticism are simply inconsiderate to those they condemn, insecure about their own thing – i.e., skeleton in the closet – desperately trying to boost their own egos. Therefore, don’t follow this reckless path, instead take heed of the following three (3) instructions and follow them religiously if you really want to win people over:

1st) Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

2nd) Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3rd) Arouse in the other person, according to re

nowned author Dale Carnegie, ‘an eager want.’

Dale Carnegie understood as far back as in the 1930’s: it’s usually fun and enjoyable for people to do things when they want to do them. And, for the most part, people don’t really want to do what is asked of them. For the purpose of this exercise and blog post, why not start with a thorough understanding of the other person’s hope, desire, and wht motivates him or her. Acquiring that critical piece of information about another human being is paramount to influencing that person. And lastly, it has been proven, the only way to win over your employees, customers, and a peer is to talk about what they really want and show them how to get and satisfy that ‘eager want.’

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